Real talk.

Something u never want to hear when it comes to pretty much anything. You try to be careful. Try to be careful when it comes to pretty much anything like I stated previously. You work hard to hold everything together, and never break. You try not to drop a glass or trip and break a bone or even the heart broken sense, hurting someone and leaving the outcome to be much less broken. I have had it happen to me not once but twice. Only this time it hurt even more. Maybe because it showed how much of a fool I truly was. It showed how blinded I was towards the obvious conflicting obstacles in our relationship. I was in love. No I thought I was in love. Blinded by love. By lust. The thought of love. I forced it to come out of me. I thought if maybe we kept trying, the arguing would stop. I pushed him. Pushed him to cheat. No. I shouldn’t blame myself. It’s his loss right? He broke the trust. Broke the love. Broke my heart. How do you heal? You can always glue a dish back together. You can get a cast to Fix a broken bone. But what could u possibly do to mend a heart? I know! Quit crying. Don’t feel bad for myself. I’m bad when it comes to that. Horrible feelings take over and I begin to blame myself for every horrible thing that has happened. I often forget that maybe, just maybe everything really does happen for a reason. Will I move on? Yes. That’s not the question. How I will move on and when will I move on? When will the knot move out of my throat and stomach? When will my smile be real instead of fake? Does anybody know? Because I don’t.